Sunday, 22 March 2015

well, this is embarrassing.

oh, hi! hello! it's me again. i've decided to resume blogging after... um... over a month. *hides face in shame*

i was thinking a couple days ago about how long it's been since i've given this blog any proper thought, let alone since i've actually made the effort to whip up a blog post, and it got me a little bit embarrassed. that in turn led me to thinking about all the embarrassing things i've ever done in my life, and the eventual writing of this particular post. 

now, before we get any further, let me just make this abundantly clear: i am the QUEEN of doing embarrassing things. i will recount in a little more detail some of the really cringe-worthy occurrences in my life a bit later, but rest assured that i am a super embarrassing person to hang around. (if you're good friends with me, you probably know this already, and i'm sorry for embarrassing you on *insert number of times here* occasions... buuuuut not really.) 

the funny thing is, when i tried to remember said occasions, i actually struggled to call them to mind. i was re-reading Amy Poelher's book Yes Please a couple days ago (because duh, Amy Poelher is my lifelong hero) and she recounts going for an audition where they asked her to talk about her "most embarrassing moment". instead, she left the audition. it got me reminiscing and wondering about what my most embarrassing moment in life has been, and yet i couldn't come up with anything really solid off the top of my head. i wondered about this for a while and eventually came to the conclusion that - are you ready? - while i am seriously up there in terms of the number of embarrassing things i've gone through and put myself through in my twenty-two years, i just don't really get embarrassed about most stuff anymore.

this is the girl who, in Grade 6, got violently ill in the quad outside the library after her teacher tried to give her black coffee to kill the nausea. (it didn't work, in case you were wondering, and this may be one of the reasons i only started drinking coffee a good ten years after said incident.)

the girl who hit puberty before all of her friends and classmates and was the only pimply, really weird-looking kid going into high school. (bonus: i looked totally fresh when everyone else hit puberty a couple years later... juuuust jokes, i looked fantastically silly throughout high school.)

the girl who had the unfortunate luck of sitting right on the spot of the field where the rugby ball the boys were kicking around at breaktime was destined to land, clobbing her on the back of the head.

the girl who fell into a fairly large ditch in the ground (which, in my defense, was disguised by a whole lot of grass) in front of a good quarter of the school when the bell rang for class one day.

the girl who read more than she spoke, so that she mispronounced words ON THE REG (izland? aw-ree?), and the girl who often used words in the completely wrong context... oops!

we won't even talk about the stories of my unreciprocated feelings for various boys when i was a little chicken, although they could fill a very amusing novel, honestly. i could keep going, but i'd like to get to some sort of point, so i'll move along ;)

please, let me not pretend that all of these events didn't embarrass me on a major level when they happened. looking back on them, though, more than anything, they make me laugh. i think, "gosh, i was a dumb little punk to get so worked up about things that are, in hindsight, SO completely insignificant."

now that i'm no longer a young grasshopper (i just did the maths and 11 is half of 22, meaning that Grade 6 incident was HALF OF MY LIFE AGO and i'm seriously ageing too quickly these days), i seem to go out of my way to do embarrassing things. i listen to the poppiest of pop music while designing (Carly Rae Jepsen, anyone?) and dance along like a complete noodle, waving my hands in the air at particularly pertinent moments of my jams (read: when the groovy beat kicks in) while sitting in front of my computer in the labs. i wave my arms around, too, while walking home from the Journ department and listening to Taylor Swift at maximum volume; a couple times i've flung my arms around so violently to emphasise a particular line that i've lost my grip on my phone and thrown it into the air. hmmm. i very rarely don't pull a stupid face when someone's taking a photo of me; when i'm feeling particularly tired, i like to take part in a particular activity i have named "sleep-designing". observe.

(this photo was taken today, by the way. i'm in a serious state of exhaustion and i'm going to bed as soon as this post is finished.)

primarily, i'd say i've learned that if i'm not embarrassed by the crazy things i do, then those things can't really define me; i've learned to invest less in what other people think of my silly behaviour and focus more on how doing said silly things makes me feel and whether or not those actions are edifying to ME. it's liberating and a lot of fun... so maybe you'll join Tom Hanks and me as we dance out our feelings? ;)

SEE - how great does that feel?! ahhh. i'd be pumped if i weren't so tired. but i am tired. so i'm gonna call it a night and just encourage you, here in the conclusion of this silly (embarrassing?) blog post, to stop caring so much about what others think and just do what makes YOU happy and builds you up. it makes life a lot more fun, i promise ;)

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